All my students had to present a three minute speech to the class to try and claim a spot in the school speaking finals.  I had talks on AFL football, fashion, Greek Mythology, Coke, and homework excuses, but one that had my attention was the one on Aussie slang.  It is a tale about me and my adventure to Australia, I giggled the whole way through because I didn't know what Sophie was saying!  With written permission from her mom, she has allowed me to share her speech.  I have included translations for you ...

G’day Blokes & Shielas,

I’ve decided to have a chinwag (have a chat) with you today about good old Aussie slang.  Now the reason I have chosen this topic is to help out my Canadian teacher Ms. Thibault as she has chosen to come down under and have a burl (give it a go) at teaching us ankle bitters a thing or two. But I reckon (believe) by now she may think we are not the full quid (unintelligent).  But no worries, I hope by the end of this chat she thinks we are all little rippers (great) and not of our rockers.  She may even give me a beaut score cause she won’t know what I’m on about.

Aussie slang has been taken from convicts to bush rangers to the First World War and have emerged to reinforce a sense of National Identity and character.

Struth! (exclamation) You wouldn’t think these words mean so much but sure as eggs they do.  Aussies use slang for humour wit and rhyme to describe experiences of this colourful land.

For example, get a load of this. 

There was this Bonzer (great ripper) Canadian chick whom decided to take a job in the lucky country teaching some rug rats how to read and write.  She quick as sticks packed her bag with some skirts, blouses and trousers and a couple of pairs of heels.  OH BOY … was she in for a rude shock, someone should have told her that all she’ll need is some cozzies (swimming costume), thongs (flip flops), singlets (tank tops), flannies (flannelette shirt) and tracky daks (track suit pants).

She lobs into Bris Vegas (Brisbane/Gold Coast) to find herself left stranded as her ride has done the Harold Holt (past Prime Minister who when for a swim and never came back).  Stranded like a drongo (stupid person) she was mad as a cut snake (really mad).  She decided to find a boozer (pub) and have a coldie (beer).  Taking a possie (seat) at the bar she gave her order to the dipstick (idiot) and she noticed he was built like a brick out house (brick shit house) and found herself starring like a stunned mullet (bewildered).  “They don’t make them like this in Canada!” she thought.  After scoffin (drinking back) a few plonks (cheap wine), Mrs. Thibault found herself hav’n a rip snort’n time with the local Yobbo’s (a stereotypical Aussie; beer in one hand, meat pie in the other, generally drive crappy old Holdens and have a dozen mullet clad kids following them. By-products of alcoholic fathers) She was choccus (munching) on sangas (sandwich) and booze and thought she’d better rack off (push off) before she made a raw prawn (embarrassment) of herself with these fellas.  She realized she stands out like a shag on a rock (very obvious) and didn’t want these larrikins (harmless pranksters)  hav’n a lend of her (to take advantage of someone’s gullibility)  .

By some stroke of luck, Mr. Barid (schools vice principal) finally turns up to pick her up.  After driving for hours they are within cooee (nearby) of Inverell and Ms Thibault is beginning to think they are WAY beyond the black stump (the back of nowhere) 

Mr. Baird is a bonzer bloke (great friend who’s male) so he opens the car door for her, “Careful you don’t come a gutzer (drunk) on the Bunyip (mythical outback creature – the koala) ”.

“What the???”  Ms Thibault shouts.

The next day everyone is flat out like a lizard (busy) drinking getting ready for school but Ms Thibault felt like chucking a sickie (calling in sick) cause she has a killer headache, but not wanting to be a piker (someone who doesn’t want to fit in socially), she gathers her stuff and went to meet the kids. 

The moment she meet the rug rats, she knew she was in for a dead set rip snort’n year (really good time). 

Crikey (OMG)!! That was a gobfull (verbal abuse) wasn’t it?  Anyway, Ms Thibault I guess I have left you quite gobsmacked (astounded) and here’s hoping for an Ace score! 

Sophie M